Neurodivergent reward cycle
Jun. 8th, 2025 07:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
petraMy brain reward cycle is fucked, and the longer I think about it, the more I recognize that it's always been this way.
Case in point: I performed recently after preparing for 5 months.
My mother said, "It went well! That must feel good."
Me: "..."
It didn't. It never really does, not unless someone else gives me external validation.
Whenever I do something hard, my brain's response is, "Well, I did it, so how hard could it have been?"
This applies to excelling academically (which I have done frequently), excelling at my job (which I have done on occasion), every type of performance I've ever undertaken (and there have been a lot), every form of art/craft I've ever done (writing, knitting, crocheting, etc.), and helping friends.
Mostly I just feel relief that it's over, and my brain isn't going to give me the constant round of "You should work on [thing]!" anymore. Nah, the shoulds will switch to something else, but at least it'll be new at first.
Case in point: I performed recently after preparing for 5 months.
My mother said, "It went well! That must feel good."
Me: "..."
It didn't. It never really does, not unless someone else gives me external validation.
Whenever I do something hard, my brain's response is, "Well, I did it, so how hard could it have been?"
This applies to excelling academically (which I have done frequently), excelling at my job (which I have done on occasion), every type of performance I've ever undertaken (and there have been a lot), every form of art/craft I've ever done (writing, knitting, crocheting, etc.), and helping friends.
Mostly I just feel relief that it's over, and my brain isn't going to give me the constant round of "You should work on [thing]!" anymore. Nah, the shoulds will switch to something else, but at least it'll be new at first.
(no subject)
Jun. 7th, 2025 01:39 pmharpers_childAnyone have recipes that use very small amounts of okra? I'm talking two or three okra. My okra plants are producing, but they're still small so I'm only getting a two or three every couple of days.
If you have recipes that use large amounts of okra, I'll take those too, but won't have a chance to try them until about August. Per LSU ag extension the heat puts the okra plants into overdrive and I'll have beaucoup then.
If you have recipes that use large amounts of okra, I'll take those too, but won't have a chance to try them until about August. Per LSU ag extension the heat puts the okra plants into overdrive and I'll have beaucoup then.
Recommendation: love is an affliction by WerewolvesAreReal, ST:TOS Hanahaki Disease
Jun. 7th, 2025 12:15 ampetraI deeply enjoyed reading a Star Trek: The Original Series story in which Hanahaki is nonfatal and limited to Vulcans. I enjoyed it all the more because I didn't read the tags beyond noting that it's General Audiences and No Warnings Apply. Having now read the tags and finished the story, which ends hopefully, I recommend that you give the story a try if the idea of Spock coughing up flowers of unrequited love appeals to you -- but page down and skip the tags, unless there are common pairings in the fandom that you need to avoid.
love is an affliction
love is an affliction
The time Padmé lost an Amidala look-alike contest
Jun. 6th, 2025 02:51 pmpetraPadmé, much like Dolly Parton, loses an Amidala look-alike contest. How many of the entrants are in drag? I leave that as an exercise for the reader.
There are definitely drag king portrayals of Anakin and Obi-Wan in their heyday, possibly including makeouts with each other and/or drag king clones.
Anyone who has seen The Empire Strips Back knows what drag!Luke Skywalker is wearing, and as for Leia -- well, I could insert any number of pictures of people doing Leia drag, in any number of costumes, and she’s not even royalty in this galaxy. Who even knows how many hotass drag kings lust after Han’s gender, too.
There are definitely drag king portrayals of Anakin and Obi-Wan in their heyday, possibly including makeouts with each other and/or drag king clones.
Anyone who has seen The Empire Strips Back knows what drag!Luke Skywalker is wearing, and as for Leia -- well, I could insert any number of pictures of people doing Leia drag, in any number of costumes, and she’s not even royalty in this galaxy. Who even knows how many hotass drag kings lust after Han’s gender, too.