Resolutions debrief
Nov. 18th, 2011 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marySo at the end of last year I mapped out a set of resolutions for myself. While 2011 isn't quite over yet, it's close enough to the finish line that I thought I might as well start to take stock of how I went.
What I warned at the start of the original post -- as well as being massively self-indulgent and otherwise content-free, I should also warn for potential triggers related to weight loss, self-harm, and discussion of money/budgeting -- equally applies here.
Mary's resolutions for 2011: Recap and roundup
HEALTH
Original resolution: I will lose 30 kilos (66 pounds).
I failed hardcore at this. By the 1st of May I'd managed to shed 8kg (17.6 pounds) but I haven't weighed myself since then or kept up with the diet or exercise plan I had.
If anything, I think I've gained all the weight back. I feel like such a massive fuckup for falling down on this one. I got whacked hard by the depression bus and lost track of a lot of things I was doing, and this was the biggest.
I consider this my greatest failure of the year and feel pretty certain a lot of how lousy I felt is related to it.
Original resolution: I will stabilize my general physical health.
I've been sick less this year, but I think that's more to do with the milder winter we had than any proactive prevention on my part. I don't think I'm much healthier than I was.
Original resolution: I will stabilize my mental health.
Ahahahahaha NO. The not-succeeding at the weight thing was a big, big fuckup which I feel massively guilty and awful about. In general I went through a seriously bad patch around the middle of the year, which was worsened by the death of an uncle I loved very much and my father not reciprocating my attempts at contact. I got as bad as I've ever been, which is pretty bad.
I'm on a higher dose of medication now, the highest possible for this particular type. I still feel pretty terrible, but I have less moments of wanting to violently harm myself, so I guess that's something?
Original resolution: I will stop hurting myself
I relapsed three times, once in May and twice in August. But that's a lot less than it might have been without this resolution.
HOUSEHOLD
Original resolution: I will be responsible with money.
Technically yes? I'm still pretty fucking awful with money, but I made more of an effort to pay attention to it. I consolidated my debts into a single loan and tried to get enthusiastic about Etsy again, but my mood has been so down for the majority of the year and when I'm seriously depressed I have no motivation to make the store better than it currently is. Bleh. I didn't buy as many handbags this year, which is a step?
Original resolution: I will reduce the massive amounts of clutter in my house.
Nope. I tried, but I just suck at this really really hardcore.
PHILANTHROPY/MEDIA/PR WORK
Original resolution: Complete Public Relations qualification
Done! Finished with a very respectable GPA, too, which was nice for a momentary self-esteem hit.
Original resolution: PRESSing Matters newsletter
This resolution was a breakdown of new skills I had to learn and systems I had to implement. It went pretty well in general, I think, though I learned a lot about how much I need better leadership skills. I've never had assistants before and this year I had two, and I was exceedingly dreadful at being any kind of supervisor.
Original resolution: Set up a media release service and associated web archive at work
This crashed and burned spectacularly, though that was largely due to circumstances beyond my control. Can't plan for everything!
Original resolution Australian Philanthropy Journal
My debut year as editor in chief was a very very stressful one. I made some fuckups, minor and major, but in general I think I was largely satisfactory. Of course, 'largely satisfactory' is nowhere near good enough and I feel like a complete failure on every level, as well as exhausted beyond belief.
WRITING
Original resolution: I will sell at least 5 stories and/or articles.
Titles of books I had work appear in this year:
Detritus
The Girl Who Was On Fire
Nurturing Paws
Steamlust
Going Down
Dark Desires
When a Man Loves a Man
Partner Swap
Plus I had work in the ebooks Stand by your Man, Animal Attraction and Belle du Nuit.
I also published one article in Sequential Tart, an interview with the writer of the Let Me In comic.
Original resolution: I will write and sell a novel.
Yyyyyyyyes, buuuuuuuuuuut it was with a very small publisher, so I'm not sure I'm allowed to count this one as an actual victory? It wasn't a defeat, at least, and that's something? Anyway, the book in question is called The Devil's Mixtape and yep, there we go.
OTHER
Original resolution: I will travel.
I went to Denver and Chicago and Milwaukee in April, and it was wonderful. A really lovely adventure in so many ways, and gave me so much as a writer.
Original resolution: I will see live music.
I had a few stumbles at the start of this year, of skipping shows because of shitty unexpected stuff coming up and making me absolutely not in the mood. But I did manage to see Henry Rollins speak live (which I think counts, at least sort of?) in February, and My Chemical Romance three times in April.
I was in the depths of my worst depressive stretch in July and September, when I saw Rise Against and then Soundwave Revolution (feat. The Damned Things and Panic at the Disco), so I missed out on properly experiencing those, which I feel really crappy about.
I saw Darren Hayes twice in November and it was almost transcendental. I cried.
Original resolution: Personal appearance-related
Got a couple of tattoos, a HUSH-heart and a columbine flower, which were both related to Devil's Mixtape and bookended my experience of researching and writing the novel.
Still fat, still blonde with regrowth way too often, didn't get my teeth fixed, mostly wore grown-up shoes to work, still have nothing resembling attractive personal dress sense.
Have written half of another novel, watched a fuck of a lot of anime, fell headlong into homestuck.
Basically I failed to lose weight and strugged at my day job and was completely miserable for months on end and my wonderful uncle passed away and it was an utter motherfucker of a year in so many horrible ways. And I think that's about that.
What I warned at the start of the original post -- as well as being massively self-indulgent and otherwise content-free, I should also warn for potential triggers related to weight loss, self-harm, and discussion of money/budgeting -- equally applies here.
Mary's resolutions for 2011: Recap and roundup
HEALTH
Original resolution: I will lose 30 kilos (66 pounds).
I failed hardcore at this. By the 1st of May I'd managed to shed 8kg (17.6 pounds) but I haven't weighed myself since then or kept up with the diet or exercise plan I had.
If anything, I think I've gained all the weight back. I feel like such a massive fuckup for falling down on this one. I got whacked hard by the depression bus and lost track of a lot of things I was doing, and this was the biggest.
I consider this my greatest failure of the year and feel pretty certain a lot of how lousy I felt is related to it.
Original resolution: I will stabilize my general physical health.
I've been sick less this year, but I think that's more to do with the milder winter we had than any proactive prevention on my part. I don't think I'm much healthier than I was.
Original resolution: I will stabilize my mental health.
Ahahahahaha NO. The not-succeeding at the weight thing was a big, big fuckup which I feel massively guilty and awful about. In general I went through a seriously bad patch around the middle of the year, which was worsened by the death of an uncle I loved very much and my father not reciprocating my attempts at contact. I got as bad as I've ever been, which is pretty bad.
I'm on a higher dose of medication now, the highest possible for this particular type. I still feel pretty terrible, but I have less moments of wanting to violently harm myself, so I guess that's something?
Original resolution: I will stop hurting myself
I relapsed three times, once in May and twice in August. But that's a lot less than it might have been without this resolution.
HOUSEHOLD
Original resolution: I will be responsible with money.
Technically yes? I'm still pretty fucking awful with money, but I made more of an effort to pay attention to it. I consolidated my debts into a single loan and tried to get enthusiastic about Etsy again, but my mood has been so down for the majority of the year and when I'm seriously depressed I have no motivation to make the store better than it currently is. Bleh. I didn't buy as many handbags this year, which is a step?
Original resolution: I will reduce the massive amounts of clutter in my house.
Nope. I tried, but I just suck at this really really hardcore.
PHILANTHROPY/MEDIA/PR WORK
Original resolution: Complete Public Relations qualification
Done! Finished with a very respectable GPA, too, which was nice for a momentary self-esteem hit.
Original resolution: PRESSing Matters newsletter
This resolution was a breakdown of new skills I had to learn and systems I had to implement. It went pretty well in general, I think, though I learned a lot about how much I need better leadership skills. I've never had assistants before and this year I had two, and I was exceedingly dreadful at being any kind of supervisor.
Original resolution: Set up a media release service and associated web archive at work
This crashed and burned spectacularly, though that was largely due to circumstances beyond my control. Can't plan for everything!
Original resolution Australian Philanthropy Journal
My debut year as editor in chief was a very very stressful one. I made some fuckups, minor and major, but in general I think I was largely satisfactory. Of course, 'largely satisfactory' is nowhere near good enough and I feel like a complete failure on every level, as well as exhausted beyond belief.
WRITING
Original resolution: I will sell at least 5 stories and/or articles.
Titles of books I had work appear in this year:
Detritus
The Girl Who Was On Fire
Nurturing Paws
Steamlust
Going Down
Dark Desires
When a Man Loves a Man
Partner Swap
Plus I had work in the ebooks Stand by your Man, Animal Attraction and Belle du Nuit.
I also published one article in Sequential Tart, an interview with the writer of the Let Me In comic.
Original resolution: I will write and sell a novel.
Yyyyyyyyes, buuuuuuuuuuut it was with a very small publisher, so I'm not sure I'm allowed to count this one as an actual victory? It wasn't a defeat, at least, and that's something? Anyway, the book in question is called The Devil's Mixtape and yep, there we go.
OTHER
Original resolution: I will travel.
I went to Denver and Chicago and Milwaukee in April, and it was wonderful. A really lovely adventure in so many ways, and gave me so much as a writer.
Original resolution: I will see live music.
I had a few stumbles at the start of this year, of skipping shows because of shitty unexpected stuff coming up and making me absolutely not in the mood. But I did manage to see Henry Rollins speak live (which I think counts, at least sort of?) in February, and My Chemical Romance three times in April.
I was in the depths of my worst depressive stretch in July and September, when I saw Rise Against and then Soundwave Revolution (feat. The Damned Things and Panic at the Disco), so I missed out on properly experiencing those, which I feel really crappy about.
I saw Darren Hayes twice in November and it was almost transcendental. I cried.
Original resolution: Personal appearance-related
Got a couple of tattoos, a HUSH-heart and a columbine flower, which were both related to Devil's Mixtape and bookended my experience of researching and writing the novel.
Still fat, still blonde with regrowth way too often, didn't get my teeth fixed, mostly wore grown-up shoes to work, still have nothing resembling attractive personal dress sense.
Have written half of another novel, watched a fuck of a lot of anime, fell headlong into homestuck.
Basically I failed to lose weight and strugged at my day job and was completely miserable for months on end and my wonderful uncle passed away and it was an utter motherfucker of a year in so many horrible ways. And I think that's about that.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-18 08:58 am (UTC)Basically \o/